8/07/2002 - Entry #12
Brace yourselves, everyone. I have finally written another review. Yes. I know. Ed, just for you (and everyone else), I've done absolutely no work today, despite my looming deadlines, opting instead to write a review to André Popp's rather breath-taking Delirium In Hi-Fi. I slaved, yes, slaved over it, for your viewing pleasure. But not only that! Oh no! There's more! You lucky young rapscallions get mp3s too! It's a veritable FEAST for the senses here today. Not one sense but TWO. Three, if you choose to fondle the monitor sensually, as I do, deriving faint sexual gratification from the cold, antiseptic sting of discharged static between your thighs. Do try this at home, web-cam users. Anyway, what was I saying? Mp3s. Yes, for a limited time only (because eventually I'll have to delete them), I'm offering you two mp3s to download and forcibly insert into your ears. Both are, naturally, from Delirium in Hi-Fi. Go and read the review linked to above, and then listen to these mp3s. Again, I stress that they're for a limited time only, so I heartily recommend you download them now.
First up, "Java". This is the song I mentioned the other day, that's currently on the latest Honda advertisement. If you haven't already read the review of the whole album, then do so now. In the way of additional information, I'll tell you that the song features four trombones, recorded at half speed. Flutes, saxaphones and clarinets recorded on three different planes, and the vocal stylings of Fredo Minablos with a 1 second time-delay. I'll let you try and work out which bits are where. It's an excellent song though, and is as good an example of the album as any. You can download it here.
Next, we have "Perles De Cristal". I couldn't decide which songs to pick, so I gave up and just put up the first song of the album. This one features one trombone recorded at half speed, all vocals recorded at half speed, a vibraphone recorded at half speed, and three overlapping flutes recorded at double speed. The tape delays are increasingly more and more obvious towards the end of the song. As it draws to it's finale, it's evident that there are several trombone tracks, even though there's only one trombonist, who has to accompany himself several times over. One of my favourite things about the song is the way the instruments will finish off bars for their accompanying friends. The trombone will be playing a theme, and the guitar will leap in and finish it off with a two-note flourish. The vocalists sing their part, then the vibraphone intervenes and plays a couple of the exact same notes as the singers, before allowing them to carry on. It's all very good stuff. You can download that one here.
So what else to talk about. What's in the news? (This diary entry gets more and more 'Ted Rogers' every day). The Indonesian military is preparing a massive military assault against the Free Aceh Movement, requesting the whole country be placed in an official state of emergency. Sweet! That would be such a good idea, if over half of the Indonesian air force and navy weren't unfit for service. Still, I like the way, when asked if they were going to hold diplomatic talks with the Free Aceh Movement, the Indonesian security minister replied "Do the United States and other Western Countries hold talks with terrorists?". Good point well made, sir. America really has a lot to answer for. Ah well.
FAR more importantly, is the Leeds United managerial job. They board of directors have settled on their man. Who is it, I hear you cry! Which blistering virtuoso could possibly take over at one of the biggest teams in Europe and outshine all previous managers? Which tactical prodigy could lead the team to victory around the world and secure untold riches for the club? Which strategic mastermind can possibly bring a little European flair to the domestic league? Of course, there's only one possible choice! Ter....what? Terry Venables? What the hell? Is someone having a laugh? Cockney wide-boy Terry Venables, fresh out of his trophy-winning job at...ITV? No, wait, this can't be right. Surely there's been some mistake? Leeds, having kicked out O'Leary for failing to win a trophy this season, have appointed Terry Venables, the only trophy win of his entire career being the FA Cup in 1991? Once again, round of applause for the Leeds board of directors. If you didn't feel sorry for us before, you HAVE to now.
I suppose it could've been much worse. I don't want to mock Venables, just in case he manages to turn us around and win the Premiership or something ridiculous like that. Instead, I shall turn to the example of Jeff Powell in yesterday's Sunday People:
"He remains the most brilliant English coach of his generation... his acumen for the strategy of the game and the technical education and guidance of the individual... his irrepressibly sunny personality... his unique and quick-witted insights..."
Steady on, Jeff. Irrepressibly sunny personality? Let's not get carried away. He just loves to be on telly, that's all. Venables simply cannot get enough press. He's like some kind of mad, interview-hungry psychopath, hellbent on devouring every piece of press-coverage possible before time runs out and he must fight Satan for possession of his soul. I guess the fact that Jeff Powell and Terry Venables have been friends for the last decade doesn't sway his journalistic integrity at all. If you can stomach it, buy tomorrow's Daily Mail and see what he has to say about the Leeds decision. And then wonder how on earth he manages to keep getting paid for this stuff.
I also read some of O'Leary's comments in yesterday's Sunday People. Now, as much as I like and respect David O'Leary, and would love to see him return to the club one day, I'm wondering about the validity of some of his statements.
"Could I have done better? Should I have done this or that differently? I’ve been through all of that and come to the conclusion that I have no real regrets."
What, none whatsoever? You don't regret writing that book that said Danny Mills was too hot-headed to ever play for England, and would likely disgrace the nation? You have no penitence regarding your comments in the same book that it might have been better for everyone if Lee Bowyer and Jonathan Woodgate had been sent to prison? That was all, y'know, valuable man-management, for team moral was it? Fair enough, I won't argue.
"I know that if people break down my record with the club over the four years in charge it will stand comparison with Arsene Wenger, Gerard Houllier and even Sir Alex Ferguson in terms of games won and lost."
Okay, fair point, fair point. Except, those other three teams managed to all win at least three trophies, whereas we won, um, none. Other than that, yes, fair point.
"Brian Kidd is a great coach and I respect him a great deal."
Really? So that's why, in early March, you told the newspapers that Brian Kidd was too soft with the players and let them get away with too much, before finally taking control of first-team management personally? These are all examples of instilling confidence and faith in your cohorts, yeah? Okay.
"The new man will really have to deliver. Clearly he’ll have to do better than me... if my record is going to get the sack then the next guy had better have some record!"
Yes! He'll have to have won something! God, how is he going to manage? Scaling the unclimbable wall that is the Worthington Cup. Clearly he's going to have to have to spend at least £100 million to even rival your success, David.
Meh. I do like him, but still, stupid comments. I do wish Terry all the best though. I mean, it'd be silly to write him off simply because he's a washed up has-been who hasn't done a thing since 1996. Bobby Robson is a washed up has-been who hadn't done anything since 1990 when he moved to Newcastle, and he's totally transformed the club into one of the best teams in the Premiership. So I'm just gonna cross my fingers and hope that Terry can do for Leeds what he did at Middlesbrough (i.e. win).
Okay, that's enough from me today. I really need to do some work. Oh, and I'm still waiting on replies about what should replace "Snapshot" by the way. If anything.
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