14/07/2002 - Entry #14
Well, it turns out nothing really happened in Venezuela after all. I mean, nothing out of the ordinary. Apart from 600,000 people trekking 21 miles to protest their President, of course. There was no violence, is what I'm trying to say. Which means Chavez is safe for another day or two. Still, it can only be downhill for him. Hmm.
Yesterday was fairly active, all in all. I was woken up 5 hours after I'd gone to bed, and told to get ready cos we were having a family reunion thing. Family? What? Since when do we care about our family? Since Christmas, that's when. Since whoever's birthday it was last. Why do we care now? Pshh. I'm sorry, but we're not the closest of families. I mean, it's not like we've broken down communication with each other, and walk around screaming "I HAVE NO UNCLE!" all day, but fuck's sake, given the choice between 2 more hours sleep, and saving my cousins from a blazing inferno, those cunts are toast. That isn't even a choice! I don't even have to think about it. Family my arse. These people aren't benefactors, they don't matter. Sure I'd be a little upset for my parents if these relatives were on their deathbeds or something, but until that day, I resent literally losing sleep over them! Jesus.
Anyway, so we drove out into the sticks, where they apparently live these days (I dunno). Turns out my cousin's daughter was in some kind of parade, as part of a village fete. A proper, old-school village fete, people. With coconut-shy, vintage cars, bouncy castle, the whole works. It was awesome! Like something out of a bawdy 60s slapstick comedy romp. You heard me. A romp! It was good stuff. For one thing, I didn't see a single black or asian person the whole time I was there. Now, don't get me wrong, but I liked that. Don't start with me and say I'm some kind of white supremacist or something ridiculous, or I'll be forced to crucify you on the lawn. I'm as big a fan of multi-ethnic society as the next man, who in this case would be an Afro-Chinese hybrid/melange. But it was also good to see this wholly white little community. It was....I don't know if "refreshing" is the right word for it. It was just somehow slightly cheering. It was like a little slice of stereotypical English life, as opposed to the more day-to-day diversity you see in every innercity. It kinda reaffirmed several of the things I love about this country. That makes it sound like I consider ethnic groups to have somehow tainted and polluted Great Britain....which I do. Go home, scum! No, but seriously folks, I'm not trying to get at any minorities or anything. It was just nice, just that once, to see this entirely white community. Not because white people are better than others, but just because the whole thing seemed so quaint. They all seemed so unchanged, like it could've been 1930 and things wouldn't have been too much different. It was cool to see that. Obviously the ethnicity of the people isn't the only thing I noticed. Please note that I did begin this thought with "For one thing". It was just one of the things I noticed during this village fete, and it made me smile. Ten or twelve miles out from the centre of Leeds, and it's so different. So....traditional. Am I making sense, or do I sound like a racist bigot? Ah well, who cares.
As for the actual fete, it was fun. The whole thing justified exactly what's funny about Phoenix Nights. It was like a cross between that and League of Gentlemen. The setting of the latter, the humour of the former. I was creased up through half of it. The big highlight of the show was this motorbike demonstration thing. Oh mercy, it was funny. It was one of those things you see on Eurosport sometimes, where they jump around and drive up ramps and do wheelies and all that stuff, you know? Incredibly impressive when it's done properly, but so agonisingly lame at a village fete. They tried though. Bless them they tried. I was in tears before the thing had even started. The music started up, piped through in incredibly tinny fashion, as if it would rouse the crowd into a frenzy. Suffice it to say, it didn't.
"Hell is gone, heaven's here! Nothing left for you to fear! Shake your ass, come over here, now scream! Come on and let meeeeeeeeeeee, enterTAIN YOU!"
"Hello ladies and gentlemen! This is X-Treme Trial Brike, prepare to be amazed! I'm your compere, Darren Ingley, and you'll be watching Dan and Dave perform death-defying stunts on these raised boxes, three feet off the ground!"
CROWD: *clap*.....................................................*clap*
"Dan has actually been European Champion three times!"
ME:: Haha. Yeah, before he discovered pies. Look at him!
"Let's have a round of applause, ladies and gentlemen, as Dave...RIDES UP A RAMP!"
It was all ver' funny.
Anyway, I'm off to do some more work. I'm approaching a deadline, so I might not be able to update all that often for the next week or two. Every other day would be quite good, I think, so expect that or less. *sigh*. I'm getting really annoyed at all this hassle. So many different things I have to spend time on, and it's all getting on top of me. I'm choking on responsibility.
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