24/11/2002 - Entry #41
A brief, idiosyncratic review of the last two weeks of English football (it serves you right!):
"I want someone who, when it’s raining, won’t be running for shelter. Someone who will be out there until the rain stops" - Sol Campbell.
"All artists have their own quirky little ways. I like to be the tiger roaming the jungle or an eagle soaring over the skies" - Sol Campbell again.
"But no more are they going to hold me in bondage" - Big Sol once again, this time talking about the "bitter, twisted, jealous liars" who questioned his sexuality.
"If I had to, I could go back to East London and work on the trains, as a postman or whatever. If that happens, so be it." - And again.
"A winner is not always a gentleman." - Sir Alex Ferguson on loveable (read: utterly detestable) rogue Roy Keane.
"I was sent off for pushing him. If you are going to get sent off, you might as well punch him properly. It's the same punishment. You might as well get hung for a sheep as a lamb." - The very same Roy Keane showing what a winner he is.
"Much as I dislike the term ‘Sgt. Wilko’ as it paints such an easy stereotype, the chants were valuable to the players and consequently worth me bearing the sobriquet" - Howard Wilkinson uses fancy words to moan again. Bless him. He taught me everything I know.
"Then one of the guys said, ‘I’m a Corinthians fan, can you sign this shirt?’ And while I was doing it the police came in. It sounds funny but it was terrible" - Arsenal midfielder Edu recalls - in The Sunday Times - the time gunmen in Brazil held him and his family hostage. No, really.
"There must be someone at ITV who is not an Arsenal fan because it was not the first time this has happened. ITV made the decision to show it...and the FA picked it up." - Denis Bergkamp finds someone to blame after being charged with misconduct for viciously stamping on Nils Eric-Johannson.
"We were in control of the match and a draw would have been a fair result" - Gerard Houllier after his team's defeat at Middlesbrough.
"I must have been at the wrong game." - Middlesbrough boss Steve McClaren's response.
"I see another Eidur Gudjohnsen, he is more angry. When strikers score a goal, the manager is calm." - The magnificently weird Claudio Ranieri.
"These Premiership referees seem to be worse than the Nationwide League officials" - Mansfield manager Stuart Watkiss after his side’s Division Two clash at Notts County. The referee in question? Stand up and take a bow Mr Jeff Winter.
"There are a lot of positives to come out of the game" - Sheffield Wednesday manager Chris Turner proves he’s a ‘half full’, rather than a ‘half empty and we’re utterly fucking doomed’ type of guy after watching his new charges lose 3-0 at Norwich.
"Ultimately my sympathy is not with Mick or Roy but with the team. Five months ago everything seemed so promising: the team, the fans, the prospects at the World Cup. We waited for the Ireland of Robbie Keane and Damien Duff to go to a level higher than anything Jack Charlton had achieved. Instead we found ourselves an Irish joke. Did anyone else cause this? No, we brought it entirely on ourselves." - The soon-to-be-retired Niall Quinn.
"I have never been on a United side that has lost to City, and I can’t think of anything that could be more humiliating. I can’t see it happening...I’ll be there to ensure it doesn’t happen." - Manchester United's Gary Neville ahead of the local derby against Manchester City.
"Gary Neville is a Blue" - The Manchester City fans' chants after Manchester United's Gary Neville became their new hero for making a dreadful mistake which directly contributed to City's victory. What was that about humiliation, Gary?
"I've given them a bollocking, and quite rightly. You can't accept that. I just feel sorry for the fans...At times like this, I wonder if I should open the door and let the fans in to tell the players exactly how they feel" - Sir Alex of Ferguson after the aforementioned defeat to City.
"Soulless, gutless, spiritless, disgraceful, contemptible, disgusting, disrespectful and shameful are all words going to be used to describe our players in the following 'match report'" - Uwsonline.com proves that he wasn't wrong. Which is a first this year, actually.
"We made fools of ourselves. Our performance was depressing and humiliating. We know you are the best fans in Switzerland and we’ve let you down brutally" - The St. Gallen players in an open letter to all of their fans after they were thoroughly pasted 11-3 by local rivals Wil. I doubt Manchester United will be as humble.
"I’d get an order from the embassy here to go home. It’ll be a big shame for my players because all the guys between 18 and 30 will have to fight. They will lose the war and many of them will die." - Bernd Stange, former Germany national team manager and current Iraq national team manager tells of what would happen to him and the team in the event of war with the US.
"You'll never play in England" - The Blackburn fans' chant as they played Scotland's Celtic.
"You’ll never play for Arsenal" - The Arsenal fans' chant to PSV Eindhoven's Mark van Bommel. Van Bommel was previously wanted by Arsenal, before they changed their mind and bought Gilberto Silva instead.
"People ask, how can any lad be struggling on such good money and such high life in London? The reality is he's a professional footballer who's not been included in team plans" - Gordon Taylor explains why Mark Bosnich (he of the £50,000-a-week wages and the supermodel girlfriend) is in a clinic suffering from depression.
"I have the greatest respect for you and will forever be in your debt. But I wish you had retired at the end of last season. This season you have come out with your racehorse Rock of Gibraltar’s blinkers on. You need to go back to your stable, have a clear-out and start with the biggest carthorse of them all, Juan Sebastian Veron." - Peter Briody, a Manchester United shareholder, shares his thoughts with Sir Alex Ferguson at the club's annual meeting.
"I am not going to respond to that. You are a fucking idiot." - Sir Alex Ferguson's lack of response.
"The Theatre of Comedy." - Excellent sport commentator Stuart Hall's catchy new name for Maine Road, Manchester City's home ground. Even better, Kevin Keegan is supposedly writing to Stuart to complain.
"There's no one you can blame for it. We've played very well - it's just unfair that the linesman's had a bad performance today." - Sir Alex Ferguson again, this time proving that there is in fact someone you can blame for the 1-1 draw against West Ham.
"We had 21 shots on goal and they didn't have one." - Gerrard Houllier sums up the 0-0 draw against Sunderland. It's a fair point, really.
"We have to forget the 5-0 defeat against France. That is in the past. I didn't know the players or their positions then. Really my first game was against Denmark." - Scotland's manager Berti Vogts, erasing defeats to France, Nigeria, South Korea and South Africa from history, because he wasn't ready. Remember how you used to do that when you were 6 years old?
"Playing for Wales is more fun than playing for Manchester United at the moment - but then, that is not hard." - Ryan Giggs tells it like it is.
Y'see, and people say football is just people kicking a ball back and forth. What about the political machinations and backbiting?!
Well, you said you wanted an update.
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