11/12/2002 - Entry #45
So I watched a film last night. Behind Enemy Lines. Anyone else seen it? Anyone at all? Because if you haven't, believe me you're missing a treat. It's leapfrogged Jurassic Park 2, overtaken Bound and absolutely streaked past The Matrix to secure my official "Worst Film Ever Made In The Entire History of Cinema" award.
Lordy, I have never in all my years seen a film which stole so many directorial techniques from so many different people. Let me tell you, if you're a fan of the fast-cutting, sharp, hi-fidelity music video style of directing, epitomised by the likes of David Fincher and, in a very different and much more worthwhile artistic way, Darren Aronofsky, then do not see this film, because it'll make you weep like a bereaved child. If, on the other hand, you despise the fast-cutting, sharp, hi-fidelity music video style of directing, epitomised by the likes of David Fincher and, in a very different and much more worthwhile artistic way, Darren Aronofsky, then do not see this film, because it'll make you weep like a herd of bereaved children. Seriously, this was like watching Black Hawk Down with planes, and I'm in no way a fan of Black Hawk Down. That film seemed to play on the trend of music video-esque film making and it bothered me how much needless gloss coated everything. But sweet jesus, Behind Enemy Lines makes it look like an understated Kurosawa film! When Owen Wilson's plane gets shot down at the beginning of the film, there's a bizarre freeze-frame sequence that I can see no real purpose for. I'd like to believe John Moore (the director) wanted to highlight the panic in the characters' minds in the split-second of impact, but there was simply no time for it, and the effect was ruined by a third, incomprehensible freeze-frame of the plane, as if it too was panicking. Inexplicable! These disgusting camera-techniques continue through the entire film, sadly enough. When Wilson stumbles across a mass-grave, a Snorri-cam shows him shuffling away. Now, the Snorri-cam was used by Aronofsky to excellent effect in Pi and Requiem For A Dream, because it perfectly showcases the emotions of the character and reflects a sense of paranoia and distress. It was used in Behind Enemy Lines for an absolute maximum of 3 seconds. Not nearly enough time to show ANYTHING, which meant it was yet another gratuitous use of someone else's technique executed poorly without any attempt at understanding. Add to this the constant shakey camerawork, as if attempting to film the movie in a documentary or pseudo-journalistic fashion, and you'll realise that it has the most annoyingly unoriginal bandwagon-riding cinematography of all time. I genuinely can't think of a single other film which shamelessly plagiarised so many other films. From Fight Club to Requiem For A Dream to Saving Private Ryan to Black Hawk Down, this just rips everything off, and badly at that.
This really isn't a war film. It's just an action flick that happens to be set in Bosnia. Every preposterous cliche you'd except from an Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone film of the 80s rears its ugly head in this pitiful excuse for a movie. Right after they've been shot down, Wilson finds his co-pilot wounded, and attempts to radio for help. The radio doesn't work, so he sets off for high-ground. On his way up a mountain, he turns around to see his co-pilot surrounded by Serbs. One of whom, clad entirely in Adidas apparel, executes the pilot, causing Wilson to scream the classic "Nooooo!" from his secure hiding place. The 50+ Serbs gathered below start firing at him with fully automatic assault rifles and half-track mounted 60mm cannons. They absolutely pepper the hill with gunfire and shells, unloading literally thousands of rounds of ammo, but Wilson manages to dodge them all. Suddenly he's running down the other side of a hill (where did the mountain go?) and he's STILL being shot at. How is this possible? Did the Serbs magically transport themselves to the other side of the hill? Are their shells capable of piercing not only armour but geography? Within moments the gunfire has stopped, as the Serbs seem to have lost him in the wide open fields. How much more could possibly be wrong with this entire scene? Seriously, only Wilson turning round and taking out tanks with his 9mm pistol could prove more unrealistic than the events we just saw.
Like the camerawork, this level of absurdity persists for the full length of the movie. In one memorable scene, Wilson runs through the world's worst minefield, the creator of which clearly misunderstood the basic principle of a minefield, instead choosing to carefully place every last one of his mines at the very edge of the open ground, creating a kind of avenue for Wilson to run through as explosions light his path. Presumably this is the Bosnian equivalent of a fireworks display, as only a complete idiot could manage to hurt himself in a minefield specifically designed to offer as little risk as possible. In another even more memorable scene, Wilson carefully edges across a frozen lake, ice cracking and snapping beneath his feet. The tension mounts, until realisation dawns that the ice is never going to break, and it's yet another entirely pointless cliche that doesn't make the least bit of sense. Indeed, not 5 minutes after Wilson carefully tiptoes across the ice, an entire platoon of tanks barge their way onto it without causing the slightest of cracks. Just how much does Owen Wilson weigh?! Are the Americans constructing Navy pilots from plutonium now, for god's sake? What on earth is going on?!
I'm trying to decide what else to critique, but it's hard when you hate it all so much. I'll try the soundtrack. Whoever spliced the score and soundtrack to this film really needs to be shot in the face. Perhaps they were, and that's why this is so fucking awful. I'll only mention one scene, very early on in the film. Wilson is called into the Admiral's (played by Gene Hackman, who I can only assume has been itching to make another pilot/soldier-lost-in-war film since BAT*21) office and given a verbal beating for being too gung-ho and not being by the book, the little rascal. Wilson remarks "I'm just trying to serve my country, sir!" prompting Hackman to shout "You don't know the first thing about serving your country!" The fact that this is a blatant attempt at a dramatic stand-off, a la A Few Good Men, is put beyond doubt by the impossibly garish 'DUN DUN DUNNNN' soundeffect which directly follows it. I'm honestly not kidding when I say it couldn't have been more loud and more off-putting if someone had been sat right next to me with his mouth pressed right up against my ear and had attempted to spit on my brain. Appearing about 7 minutes into the film, this didn't bode well.
If I was to try and recall a single good feature of the film, it would be that no other film has so shamelessly tried to promote its obvious sponsors in a manner so lacking in subtlety and integrity, and shamelessness is considered a virtue, by, um, by some people, I think? In one scene, Wilson is picked up by locals in a truck driven by Elvis. One kid is wearing an Ice Cube t-shirt and proceeds to rap his favourite song. His sister then hands Wilson some coke, which he drinks before showing the label to the camera and exclaiming "It's really good!" All this happens while Gene Hackman is fondly stroking a Sky News businesscard (I kid you not) before phoning them and leading to a series of Sky News broadcasts, logo emblazoned across the screen. I've already mentioned our wonderful Adidas-clad villain. It's a beautiful moment.
The acting is atrocious, with Wilson attempting comic relief throughout the first half of the film, before attempting to portray battle-hardened weariness and dismay in the second. Sufficient to say he fails. Hackman is as average as ever, playing the exact same role he's played for the last 10 years, clearly a member of the Christopher Walken school of 'acting'. He does his best with a terrible script, but several moments will have you cringing. I mean, I've done some fairly embarrassing things in my lifetime. Things I shouldn't have said, stuff I shouldn't have done, and that thing the other kids always asked me to do in the boys' changing rooms in primary school (true story). But none of them make me cringe and curl my toes as much as the script in this film. At one point Hackman is conversing with Wilson in the radio, carefully avoiding calling him by his real name, instead using the codename "Zero 6". When Wilson seems demoralised, Hackman immediately shouts his real name for all to hear. The idiocy of this is announced for our benefit by the use of a close-up of a nondescript extra wincing in pain. Very bizarre. To make matters even worse, Hackman then turns off the radio and asks his crew "That was really stupid, wasn't it?" Make it stop! Please!
The geopolitical events of the film are beyond questionable. Hackman is portrayed as the all-American heroic admiral who runs a tight ship but still isn't afraid to stick his neck out to save the worst pilot in the entire Navy just hours after he'd handed in his resignation. Hooray for America! Joaquim de Almeida plays Piquet, a NATO Admiral who keeps Hackman in check. Clearly all this means is he provides the bureaucracy to stop Hackman stomping in there and killing Johnny Foreigner. Piquet's only role in the film is to thwart Hackman's every move with red-tape and political doublespeak, making it impossible for the average viewer to consider him anything but a bad guy. Clearly not as bad as the Serbs, however, who are all portrayed as dirty chain-smoking goons who want nothing more than to fire their guns at anything, including clouds. Presumably this gleeful love of shooting inanimate objects is what causes them to miss Owen Wilson time and time again. The entire crash-landing is kicked off by Wilson's rousing persuasion of his co-pilot to fly into the de-militarised zone. "Let's check it out." he says. "They want us to reconnaissance, let's reconnaissance." Hey, I'm sold! Demilitarised Schmilitarised! Let's screw around! Despite the obvious catachresis of the word "reconnaissance" he makes quite the convincing argument to break orders and risk international war. Clearly his co-pilot is as easily-swayed as I'm sure we all are, and promptly sullies the peace process. This is what war is like, kids. It's hell out there. What with the hill-piercing bullets and avenues of mines and unpredictable ice-sheets.
Surely what really caps the whole film off is the utterly hilarious finale. I won't walk you through the whole thing, but it features more slow-motion than an entire year of sporting replays, Gene Hackman disregarding his orders to fly personally to Wilson's rescue, the Serbian political leader being the only person capable of hitting Wilson despite being the only one without military training, our intrepid hero sliding across the ice shooting tanks with his 9mm pistol (it had to happen eventually!) and the obligatory last-second dangling-from-a-rope rescue. Believe me when I say this is one of the funniest moments in cinematic history. If your face doesn't show a myriad of expressions during this climactic ending, then I can only assume you're dead.
Truly magical.
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