31/12/2002 - Entry #51
This review really tickles me. The third one, by Ron Crawford. Every time I read it I'm reduced to fits of laughter. The man couldn't be more stereotypical if he tried.
"I recently read an albeit tongue-in-cheek short SF story about an Earth first contact expedition on Sigma Draconis II where the main protagonist was still using a wooden ladle, a meat cleaver, paper star charts and cooking pot - come on get real! Any civilisation with a technology capable of crossing 19LY of interstellar space would I believe have progressed beyond campfire grub. Also from what we know of Sig Dra type KV dwarf with only 0.4 Sol luminosity, it wouldn't support a life-bearing planet anyway!"
I think if I ever progress to the point where I can write parodies with as much accuracy and humour as that, I'll genuinely die a happy man. It's not even so much the whole "0.4 Sol luminosity" bits, it's the little touches! "come on get real!" is poetic genius. "would I believe have progressed" is even better. The decision to leave out the punctuation of the latter was a masterstroke, in my opinion, as the character doesn't even pause for breath as he pedantically steamrolls through the implausibilities. I'm telling you, it's a spoofer's dream. I'm in misty-eyed awe, here.
In a time where scientists and cults are racing to recreate human life, I'm focusing on recreating people like Ron Crawford.
Happy New Year, everyone. Hope you have a good night, and pick a decent January's resolution.
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