19/02/2003 - Entry #70
So lately I've been realising the vast technical superiority of Japanese smilies. Smileys? Whatever they're called, they're much better than ours. If you've ever spent any time in a forum that's even vaguely geeky, you've no doubt met at least ONE person who uses japanese smileys. They probably even use japanese phrases intermittently, like "gomen nasai" or something. Anyway, despite that, the smileys themselves really do rock. I've been looking through some of the (apparently) popular ones in Japan, and they're so much more expressive! Man, long gone are the days of "smile" and "cry." They've got full complex emotions going on. It's brilliant.
For anyone who hasn't seen Japanese smileys, I'll give you an induction. First of all, they're read vertically, rather than the wonky sideways rubbish you get with western smileys. Whereas we would type ":)" a Japanese person would type "(^_^)". Much cuter. As you'd expect from Japan, since girlish cuteness is their primary export. But anyway, apparently they're also better because whilst western characters are 1 byte, japanese characters are 2 bytes, and thus they can have more of them. No, I don't understand it either, but that's what they tell me. Another reason, though, for their superiority, is the fact that they seem to tie in with japanese comics (called "manga" for anyone who doesn't know). Characters from tv shows and comics have become absorbed into recognised 'official' smileys. It's bizarre. Yet another reason is the simple fact that they often use chinese letters, which, by some random quirk of fate, seem to work really well when it comes to smileys. But anyway, you've heard the proof, now let's see the evidence. Japanese smileys the whole world can enjoy:
This is the most popular one, used the most. It's just your average smile.
(*^_^*)
Aww, she's blushing, but she's happy. Bless. Good on her, I say. Go on, love.
The description I got for this one was "He is pleased so much by raising his hands!!!" Aww. Fills me with joy, this one. Really does. Happy little smiley dude.
(>_<)
Ouch! You bastard!
This one...scares me, quite frankly. It's called "gyaa" which I can only assume translates as "HOLY FUCK I'M SO SURPRISED MY EYES HAVE MUTATED!" That's mighty surprised.
p(^ ^)q
Now, they might look like freaky clubbed ears or something, but apparently those are flags either side of his face. He's waving them to encourage you, like a japanese cheerleader! Isn't that sweet?
The poor lad's crying. Those are tears running down his cheeks. What did you say?
(-_-)zzz
I think this one's fairly self-explanatory, don't you?........It's a dinosaur!
(^_^)V
He's makin' the little peace sign and everything. Cos he's cool. Unless he's swearing at me, of course. Why I oughta!
Remember the flag from earlier? Well, here it is again. Only this time it's being waved to surrender. I honestly can't imagine many scenarios where this would be useful, but hey, who cares, it's ridiculously elaborate. Good enough for me.
(p_-)
Wuh-oh! He's got a magnifying glass! What's he up to, the little devil? Getcha nose outta there, ya little scamp!
(^^)//
Man, I love this one. I really do. What's he doing? Can you guess? Why, he's applauding! Li'l clap clap for you all. I love it. Ahh.
He's crying, but this time it's with LOVE! Or happiness. Or something. As my japanese connection puts it: "sometime you may have the moment that you are too happy till tear come." Quite.
(^-^)b
Wahey, thumbs up! I'm with ya, buddy!
Okay, it's been fun, but all this is just kids stuff compared to the real hard shit. This stuff'll blow your freakin' mind, man! The special chinese characters is where it's at. So here we go.
Dude! He's throwing shurikens at you! Like a fuckin' ninja! I mean come the fuck on, if that isn't the coolest damn smiley you ever saw in your whole life, I don't know what is! Heeyaah! Dakka dakka dakka waaaahhhh! Yeah man, I'm a samurai! Look at that steely gaze, bitch. Don't mess with this. Cold-blooded killer.
He's asking you for something with his hands together before his face as a gesture of humility. Maybe he's BEGGING FOR HIS LIFE FROM MY SHURIKENS!! Okay, I'll stop now. But yeah, they put some thought into this one. Nice work, Japan. All of you.
But not nearly as much thought as this one. This one's a work of art, man. He's a mysterious villain spy type person. Not only does he have the dark glasses, but check out the scar on his cheek!
He's all, like, writing stuff down with a pen. Yeah, that's a pen in his hand over on the left there. And he's scribblin' away. I have no idea what that shit coming out the back of his head is. Couldn't tell you. Maybe it's like a speech bubble? Like he has to talk while he writes? Cos he's some kinda retard maybe? I dunno.
Two people toasting! Clink! The star in the middle is a nice touch.
Look't that! She's bringing you a cup of tea! In....in a hat. What?
No, she's not shooting you with some kind of laser. I'm guessing "Chu" is the japanese word for "kiss", or some other kiss related sound, like "mwah" or whatever. Either way, that's the kiss smiley.
(^.^)/~~~
This is a girl waving goodbye to you, with a handkerchief in her hand. Do they do that in Japan? I doubt it. Unless it's for her to cover her mouth from pollution or something.
(;_;)/~~~
As above, except this time the goodbye is so upsetting for her she's crying. Aww. I'm only going to the shops, mum. I'll be back in five minutes. You do this every time! Ahh! And then I got off the bus. And that was just the teachers.
Ahh, he's smoking, of course! And blowing little smoke rings all nonchalant like. Far too cool for school.
(^_-)db(-_^)
These two are, apparently, sealing a promise by linking their little fingers together. Personally I thought they were battling with flags. Maybe I'm taking this whole smiley thing too literally?
Yay! Let's dance! Dance! Everybody dance!
Okay, it starts getting a bit weird now. These following ones are all characters of some kind. Only...not really. Least not all of them. Ah hell, this is just where all the miscellaneous ones go cos they're just too weird to fit in anywhere else.
Yes, it's a squid. Don't ask me WHY they have a squid smiley. I have absolutely no idea. Pretty good though, isn't it?
Oh, but it doesn't end there. No no. They have octopi smileys too!
Not to mention the FUGU smiley! Yeah, that's a blowfish. Of course it is. Shush.
(o|o)
This comparatively lame looking one is called "Ultraman" and apparently he's an eternal hero for children or some such rubbish. He was a character on this japanese tv show from god knows when. Seems a mix between godzilla and the power rangers. You can see for yourself here. Isn't he scary? The way he wrestles that....fish....in his giant lycra suit, replete with shiny plastic orange underpants? Faintly alluring actually. Ha, I love "Ultraman 80", as though 1980 was some landmark year. I mean, "Ultraman 2000" I could understand. Fair do's, big year, it's got a bit of a ring to it. "Ultraman 80" just sounds like there've been 79 botched attempts so far.
(V)o\o(V)
In a similar vein, this one's called "Man from the Planet Baltan" or something. You can check him out here. Can you see the resemblance? No? Well, that's because THERE IS NONE! It looks nothing fricking like him! I mean, fair do's, they've got the pincers sorted. Can't knock them for that. But the rest of it, bah. I want my money back, Japan.
A dog, with floppy ears. This one means absolutely nothing whatsoever. Just to mess with our preconceptions.
A shooting star, for you to wish upon. Again, how often can that one possibly be used? How often do they wish upon stars over there? Honestly, it's absurd. But still, the combination of the star and the japanese character is too good to ignore. THAT'S why their smileys are so much better than ours. They actually fricking WORK.
This one...brace yourselves....is John Lennon. Yep. John Lennon. Can't you tell? Didn't you guess it straight away? What's wrong with you? Bunch of morons. No, in fairness, I can only assume they're basing it on the little doodle John used to draw to represent himself, which you can see here. If so, then fair do's, I applaud them for the likeness. If, however, it's meant to actually look like him, then sorry lads, but you're an utter fucking disgrace.
Alright, that'll do for tonight. Enjoy. And if you want to come up with your own japanese smileys, please feel free to post them in the guestbook. The only rule seems to be that the more ludicrous you are, and the less useful your smiley is, the better. So get cracking.
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