1/03/2003 - Entry #72
So it turns out, in spite of the heroic punning mentioned in the last entry, I've found an even better example. Yes, I know, I didn't think it were possible either. But spoon-bending psychopath Uri Geller, of all people, has managed to produce the greatest piece of punning I've ever seen. Not least because most of them just don't make any sense, or have any connection to the topic or phrase. It's superb.
When he's not breaking cutlery and hanging out with his best friend Michael Jackson, Uri Geller is the chairman of Exeter City football club, aka "The Grecians." In addition to this, he writes a column for the Devon Sunday Independent about life as the chairman. It was there that I found this masterstroke:
"From now until the end of the season, I guarantee you're going to see a Hollywood blockbuster erupting on the pitch! Neil McNab and the boys will be striving to give you DareDevil every week, superheroics in the face of impossible odds! See Sean Devine with the ball at his feet and you'll believe a Superman can fly. And when our backs are against the wall, get ready for Gangs of New York as we fight for survival. Steve Flack might not be as good looking as Leonardo Di Caprio, but he's a lot more convincing with flying headers! Don't come if you're hoping to get Two Weeks' Notice - we had our comedy moments earlier in the season but we've put the groans behind us now. Like Charlie's Angel's, we're on Full Throttle. I'd love to be The Guru and conjure up some psychic madness to plug us into The Matrix, but this fight is all about real magic, not Special FX - the kind of real magic our players can discover when they trust totally in their talents and the team's destiny. So believe in the blockbuster and put your faith in the Force - that's why our newest superstar fan is Dave Prowse, who played Darth Vader in Star Wars. Get ready for the biggest soccer sequel in our history - The Grecians Strike Back!"
Remarkable stuff. Truly diabolical. It's just a shame nobody has told Uri that you don't need a Sixth Sense to know that Exeter City striking back is really Mission: Impossible, since they're sinking faster than the Titanic and for such a shit team, division three is As Good As It Gets.
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