4/07/2002 - Entry #9
Ohhhh dear, what a top night tonight has been. I'm not joking when I say I laughed so hard I felt sick. You know that ever-so delightful warm rush of saliva you get when you're about to be violently ill? I got that several times during the night, while we were sat around chatting. For better or worse, it's not often you can say that. It was all just too funny.
I've been informed by S_O that I should provide links to all my references. So I'm going to do my best. Please bear with me.
So we went to see Minority Report earlier today. It wasn't really all that bad. I mean, it certainly could've been a lot worse.
Aside from being possibly the most clichéd film of all time, it didn't insult my intelligence nearly as much as I thought it would. I mean, granted, it had many points that made absolutely no sense (what kind of family would keep a pet fox?! It's going to eat your rabbit and bird, you freaknuts! It's a feral carnivore!). But ultimately it was fairly enjoyable.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more horrible continuity errors spring to mind. Such as prophesying a murder, but neglecting to work out which housenumber the murder's going to committed at. Or for that matter, forseeing something that's going to happen in 10 seconds time. "I'm sorry John, but you're going to have to run again". Cue the Pre-crime special agents bursting through the door. I really wanted Tom Cruise to turn round and say "Yeah, you've pretty much fucked me there, haven't you? I mean, you're meant to be able to PREDICT these things. Telling me 5 seconds before they kick the door in and arrest me isn't much fucking help is it? You fucking waste of space". But he didn't, sadly. Luckily for him the ending turned out to be predictably Spielbergian, existing as he did in a world where villains successfully hide their secret for over 6 years, form millions upon millions of people, until suddenly they just FORGET it's a secret, and tell the wife of the main hero. And then, when the wife typically lets on that she knows the sordid truth, in front of the cold-hearted villain, he simply walks out and assumes she won't, y'know, thwart all his plans. I mean, what's she gonna do, bust Tom Cruise out of the maximum security prison using nothing but a shoddy pistol and a decomposed eyeball? It's rather amusing that after the film, Steve's prime explanation for most of the film was "It's the future, it's magiiiic. What's wrong with you?".
Anyway, yes, it wasn't a terrible film, and I'd genuinely consider it worth seeing. Just bear in mind that it's nothing more than cheap, mindless brouh-haha.
The rest of the night was spent drinking alcohol and being incredibly silly. Ollie suggested that we form a bowling team and join a local league, and we pretty much spent the next few hours ridiculing the entire idea. I mean, obviously we intend to go ahead with the plan, and Ollie has been tasked with signing us up in the next league going. But the fact remains that our team is nothing but an utter mockery of the entire sport of bowling. It might shed a little light on how seriously we're taking this, if I mention that I decided on the teamname of "I Can't Believe It's Not Gutter". Think of the levels, people! Hehe. But yes, we've planned all kinds of mockeries of bowling, including theme tunes, our own version of the Haka before every game, big foam gloves, pulling out a piece on the lane, Jesus suits, the whole works! I'm utterly convinced it sounds lame to you, but it was so very funny at the time. Especially considering we rarely bowl above 100, since we piss around so much. Last time we went bowling, Tom and I completely abandoned the game mid-turn to go and play the Arcade Rowing Machine game thing (you know the one. With the little whirlpool thing that you have to row out of. We played it on maximum difficulty, and believe me, it takes some serious hard work to row your way out of that whirlpool! Both Tom and I have completed the Great North Run half-marathon, and he regularly climbs fricking mountains and stuff, and we were both virtually comatose at the end of this rowing machine gruelathon). So I'm rather looking forward to our bowling league. We've already worked out a Squad-Rotation system. I think I'll be a regular feature on the bench, to be honest, but I reckon I'll be a fresh pair of legs towards the end of the game. You can change players halfway through a game of bowling, right? Meh, if not, I'm sure we can swindle something. We'll obviously need an official kit, so if anyone knows of a willing sponsor then let me know. Ollie's got us pulling weights up mountains to Eye Of The Tiger most days of the week, in preparation for the league, but I'm sure I'll be able to reply eventually. Rahhh, bring on the Keighley Under 16s! YOU'RE GOING DOWN, DONCASTER POLYTECHNIC! YOU'RE DEAD IN THE FUCKING WATER!!
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